Networking Is Not Schmoozing

First, a bit about small talk

Small talk definitely has its place in conversation: at the beginning. It's like a dance you do with someone new to find common ground. Through small talk you decide together where to alight before you move on to "big" talk -- topics that are a little deeper or more consequential, if that's appropriate with this person.

And because it's so superficial, small talk is also harmless. David Weinberger, co-author of "The Cluetrain Manifesto," writes, "Because small talk pokes here and there as it looks for ground, you can de-commit to it without hurting anyone's feelings."

Small talk do's and don'ts.

The goal of an initial conversation is to plant seeds for the next one. That way, when you follow up, you have something to say. If you talk about the weather or the marital status of Brittany Spears, there's no foundation on which to build a conversation. So here are 4 ideas to keep in mind when engaging in small talk:

1. Find something in common with the other person so you can share information and resources.
2. Don't assume you know what they're talking about. Focus in an almost any word or phrase and ask them to tell you what they mean by that word. You'll be surprised how little it resembles your own definition.
3. Learn something new from one another. If they mention something you know nothing about, ask them to explain or elaborate on it.
4. Find out what their challenges are, personal or professional. Then offer an idea, a contact or some other resource that might help them, laying the groundwork for your follow up.

How to “work a room”

13 tips to develop strong networking relationships

There are tons of networking events to attend, too many actually, too many ways to meet people you'll never see again, too many opportunities to collect a stack of business cards you'll never look at again. But networking is not a contest and it's not about schmoozing.

1. Find low-key learning environments. Business card exchanges and other networking events are high pressure situations where people go to meet others but usually do so with all their defenses intact. For more relaxed networking, find educational atmospheres, such as workshops and seminars, where the focus is on learning and where people's defenses are lower.
2. Start conversations. Go out of your way to get into conversations with anyone and everyone you can, in person, on the phone or via email. Cross the street, cross the room, cross the train, to talk to someone. Find out what they're working on and tell them what you're working on. Anything can come out of a simple conversation: ideas, alliances, connections, referrals, new business, new opportunities.
3. Make contact, not contacts. The goal of networking is not to meet as many people in as short a time as possible. The goal is to find a business community that satisfies your needs; one that brings together people who are your prospects and with whom you are comfortable. So if you attend an event, don’t think you have to get to everyone in the room. Meet as many people as you can but also, if a conversation is going well, stay with it.
4. Be a good listener. Don’t be worried about what you’re going to say. You don't need to perform your sales pitch, just have your blurbs ready to use as a tool to engage people in conversation. Do more listening than talking, and ask a lot of questions. Then simply respond to what you hear. Answer questions, devise solutions, be creative. Sounds easy? Just try it.
5. Arrive early. If you wait until most of the attendees are
   already there, many of them will already be in
   conversations and it won’t be as easy to break in.
6. Never sit with someone you know. Attend an event with a friend, but put on your nametags then separate at the door. Otherwise, you will never meet anyone new.
7. Look for wallflowers. Instead of trying to break into conversations that are already going, find someone sitting or standing alone and simply introduce yourself. Do it even if they don’t look like they want to be approached. The apparent standoffishness may merely be a cover for their own discomfort.
8. Use the food to begin conversations. Stand by the buffet and make recommendations to anyone who approaches about what’s good (or bad).
9. Keep going back to the buffet. Never put more than 3 bites on your plate. Take your plate to a crowded table, introduce yourself, talk (and listen) for 10-15 minutes, exchange cards, then excuse yourself to get up and get more food. (After all, your plate will be empty.) Repeat this until the room is empty. And don't forget that you can also talk to people in line at the buffet.
10. Be random about where you sit. You can’t tell by how someone looks what will come out of a conversation with them. Don’t judge.
11. Make notes about the people you meet. Every time someone gives you a card, make a point of writing a note on the back -- while you’re still talking. This will not only flatter, but you will have a much better chance of remembering what you talked about so that you can follow up in a more personal way.
12. Wear a jacket with pockets. Keep your business cards and a pen in the left pocket and put any cards you get into the right pocket. That way you won't be fumbling with cards or accidentally hand a new contact someone else's card.
13. Wear an unusual accessory, like a colorful scarf or tie, so that when you follow up you can also remind them who you are by referring to that accessory, as in, “I was the one with the orange scarf.”