Life is good with your clients when you get along and communicate well. Often, that's not the case. We've all experienced "difficult clients" who drive us crazy and make it hard for us to deliver good work. Wouldn't it be great if you could wave a magic wand and make the difficulties disappear? Think how much more productive you could be! We can't promise to make that happen, but this article will give you a new perspective on why some of your clients are difficult and what you can do about it.
Let's start with a simple truth and then get into the nitty-gritty:
You can't change someone else's behavior. You can only change your own.
If things are going to get better you need to take the responsibility to change first. The good news is, once you understand the other person's underlying needs, you can change your behavior in a way that encourages them to change theirs. The end result is a better relationship, which allows you to get on with the business of delivering great products and memorable service.
Lesson #1: It's not the people who are difficult, it's their behavior. And no one chooses a behavior unless it has, at some point in the past, helped them get what they want and need.
Lesson #2: Difficult people seldom perceive themselves as being difficult. Dr. Joseph Koob has made a life study of "Difficult People" and points out that, in fact, they probably think we are being difficult and keeping them from getting what they want. When we change our reaction to their behavior our clients perceive us as becoming reasonable, so they change their reaction and behavior. Once you are aware of this phenomenon you will notice and able to diffuse difficult client behaviors and situations early.
Lesson #3: The key to diffusing a difficult situation is to understand the other person's wants, needs and intents. Begin by appreciating that most negative behavior is rooted in fear. It could be the fear of: not being accepted, being wrong, being misunderstood or not belonging. Often these fears are the opposite of what we want and need. We need: acknowledgment, to be right, to receive attention, to be understood and to be part of the group. Wants and needs are similar; however, what we think we want may not be what we need.
Lesson #4: Intent. Understanding wants and needs takes practice and insight; learning to understand intent can be easier and useful in dealing with your clients. Intent is the outcome someone is looking for. The following intents are inspired by the book "Dealing with People You Can't Stand" by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirshner.
When you are frustrated you might try asking your client why they think your relationship is so difficult. This approach puts them in control, which may meet their intent. If you listen carefully, you may also learn what they want or need. This approach works well when you are ready to be charitable, creative and generous in meeting your client's real needs. However, you need to be willing to listen to how they perceive your behavior. You may be surprised and must accept their comments without reacting and defending yourself. Remember, your intent is to understand your client so you can improve your working relationship. Learning to stop your immediate reaction and then pause, think and respond with your end purpose in mind is a skill you will find useful in many situations. I know from personal experience that it's not easy, but it's something you get better at with practice.
Not sure how to identify the various types of intent? Here is a breakdown of the possible situations you might find yourself in. When examining Intent, always start with taking a closer look at the behavior:
Controlling - when the intent is to get the job done. High control clients are in a hurry to get the job done and may not appreciate why proofing and editing is important. Or why you need to follow a process to produce an effective end result. You can improve your relationship by providing a clear schedule; meeting your deadlines; helping them understand that a short-cut taken in one place can mean more time lost later on.
Perfectionist - when the intent is to get it right. Perfectionist clients, or nit-pickers, are indecisive and critical of everything. They slow down the project because they are afraid to accept one stage of work and get to the next. They need to get it right because they need approval. You can improve your relationship by providing plenty of support and reassurance. Help them understand others may view getting the job done on time even more important than perfection.
Approval seeking - when the intent is to get along and belong. These clients could be called "nice persons" and they can be very frustrating. Their need to get along with everyone results in an inability to stick to decisions. The approval seeker acquiesces to all internal requests, which results in delays, cost over-runs, and a lot of angst for you. You can make your life easier by showering them with approval when they stick to the schedule. Help them understand that, by trying to please everyone, they are at risk of the opposite, having everyone angry when the job is late and over-budget. You may even play the 'bad cop' role in group meetings, taking responsibility for the need to stick with decisions to get the job done.
Attention getting - when the intent is to be appreciated. Attention getting behavior in a client or employee is often perceived as pestering. The client calls too often, interrupting your work and ability to deliver. It is tempting to ignore the attention seeking client, but your life will improve sooner if you acknowledge and let them know you appreciate them - often. Give them what they need and the level of attention seeking will diminish. The key is to step back from your annoyed reaction and sincerely find things you can appreciate. It may take awhile, but, in most cases this approach will improve the situation.
 | Pam Bryan, MBA, founder of Future Results Now and Design Coach On Call, is a professional business coach with a passion for helping design business owners achieve more in their business and in their lives. View Full Bio |
October 29, 2007 - 1:42pm
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October 29, 2007 - 1:45pm
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November 26, 2007 - 7:09am
Hi Pam
Great article - I really enjoyed reading it.
We have dealt with a huge range of clients here and have certainly found some of the more 'difficult' ones frustrating to say the least! I think you are right when you say a lot of the behaviour is rooted in fear.
I also think that ignorance of web design or web design processes can cause a lot of problems. Designers can avoid some of these issues by working closely with the client on the project; explaining things in layman's terms rather than drowning them in jargon which only feeds their insecurity further.
Toni
February 10, 2008 - 8:34pm
This is exactly how we approach a listing appointment when objections arise. Thaese are some great points you make. It is true you can only change yourself.
February 20, 2008 - 11:48am
You can also try
Coping with Difficult People
by Robert M. Bramson
that is very useful!
March 7, 2008 - 8:19am
Good lessons they are just four and easy.I hope every one liked it.
March 8, 2008 - 7:17am
nice shot.
April 14, 2008 - 4:59pm
Good stuff. Thanks and greetings!
May 1, 2008 - 4:58pm
Wow, this is good stuff. Just bookmarked. Cheers!
May 8, 2008 - 9:01am
Great post. Thanks.
May 11, 2008 - 3:27pm
Wow, as a golf developer I battle these lessons daily. For what ever reason I never thought of sitting down and map out "why and where" these issues come from. Great Insight!
May 19, 2008 - 6:35pm
thanks.
May 22, 2008 - 4:21pm
"You can't change someone else's behavior. You can only change your own" - I would say you can not change someone else, but only your attitude to him :)
June 25, 2008 - 9:28am
Great tips.
June 26, 2008 - 7:04pm
Very helpful, thanks!!
June 28, 2008 - 2:23pm
I just used to bitch slap difficult clients.
July 22, 2008 - 2:49am
"You can't change someone else's behavior. You can only change your own"
I don't agree, You can't change anyone(include youself)behavior.
July 26, 2008 - 4:02pm
Great tips. Thanks a lot!!!
August 8, 2008 - 8:08am
many humour:)
August 19, 2008 - 7:17pm
Thanks for share us the great Archive!
August 24, 2008 - 3:29pm
This went nice . Really , Fayali am thanking..
August 24, 2008 - 3:30pm
thank you. very nice.
August 25, 2008 - 5:20pm
Beautiful.
August 29, 2008 - 5:02pm
great tutorial, thanks.
September 8, 2008 - 6:27am
My position is the same - peaple are very different. Take it easy...
September 12, 2008 - 1:20pm
fantastic tips, thanks for writing.
Greetings Bayerischer Wald
September 14, 2008 - 4:10am
thank you for the 4 easy tip. very good informations.
Best Regards Wellness Bayerischer Wald
September 17, 2008 - 2:12pm
Thenk you Site Admin (english)
Teşekkürler Site Admin (Türkish)
September 17, 2008 - 2:14pm
Thenk you Site Admsin (english)
Teşekkürler Site Admisn (Türkish)
September 17, 2008 - 2:15pm
Thenk you Site Admin (english)
Teşekkürler Site Admin (Türkish)
September 18, 2008 - 3:11am
Very pleased to read this article!
September 22, 2008 - 3:35am
yes it's a very good blog !
September 22, 2008 - 1:40pm
"You can't change someone else's behavior. You can only change your own."
Oh I have heard that sentence so often the last months.... !!!! And it´s so true!
September 27, 2008 - 3:45am
Wow, this is good stuff. Just bookmarked. Cheers!
September 27, 2008 - 4:28pm
Wow, this is good stuff. Just bookmarked. Cheers!
September 28, 2008 - 4:16pm
Great article on human behavior, thank you. I've known this information for a long time, but it is always good to review it and refresh it from time to time.
September 29, 2008 - 8:31am
Thanks you for share us the great Archive.
October 2, 2008 - 6:56pm
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October 2, 2008 - 6:57pm
thanks
October 2, 2008 - 6:59pm
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October 2, 2008 - 7:00pm
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October 2, 2008 - 7:01pm
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October 3, 2008 - 1:11pm
it's very interesting
October 4, 2008 - 4:55pm
Thank you. You have helped someone more than you could know.
Sohbet Konya
October 5, 2008 - 7:30am
High control clients are in a hurry to get the job done and may not appreciate why proofing and editing is important. It's clear.
October 6, 2008 - 12:59pm
Great article
October 8, 2008 - 7:49am
Thank you. You have helped someone more than you could know.
October 8, 2008 - 7:50am
thank you wery nice
October 8, 2008 - 7:52am
Great article on human behavior, thank you. I've known this information for a long time, but it is always good to review it and refresh it from time to time.
October 9, 2008 - 9:11am
thanks, Just bookmarked.
October 17, 2008 - 1:08pm
I hope every one liked it. Good stuff. Keep going
October 19, 2008 - 2:45pm
Useful knowledge, Since you brought together with us for thanks.
October 24, 2008 - 7:44am
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October 24, 2008 - 3:18pm
Thank You!! enjoey the read.
October 24, 2008 - 3:21pm
Great Article!! Thank You
October 25, 2008 - 2:35pm
Hi thank you very much
October 26, 2008 - 10:16am
Thanks for sharing this information. Great article...
October 26, 2008 - 4:31pm
thanks
October 26, 2008 - 4:32pm
Thank You!! enjoey the read.
October 26, 2008 - 4:33pm
Thank You!!
October 26, 2008 - 4:34pm
thank you very much
October 26, 2008 - 4:37pm
very nice...thanks web site admin
October 27, 2008 - 11:18am
very nice thank you
October 29, 2008 - 11:00am
Useful and effectual informations. Thanks
October 30, 2008 - 6:36am
Great article on human behavior, thank you.
October 31, 2008 - 6:23am
Thanks for sharing this information. Great article..
November 5, 2008 - 5:07am
Thank you. You have helped someone more than you could know.
sohbetmirc indir
November 10, 2008 - 7:49am
Thanks for sharing this with the rest of us!
November 10, 2008 - 3:12pm
Thanks a lot Admin
November 13, 2008 - 9:50pm
I experienced lesson #3 several years back with my daughter. Very nice article!
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November 15, 2008 - 1:06am
experienced lesson #3
November 16, 2008 - 10:11am
thank you . good job...
November 16, 2008 - 10:13am
thank you iso 9001
November 17, 2008 - 1:22am
Many thanks!! Its a very good read!
November 21, 2008 - 4:37pm
peaple are very different. Take it easy
November 21, 2008 - 6:13pm
Attention getting - when the intent is to be appreciated. Attention getting behavior in a client or employee is often perceived as pestering. The client calls too often, interrupting your work and ability to deliver.
November 23, 2008 - 12:05pm
Very good article article on human behavious. It could be written many boks about that topic!
November 24, 2008 - 5:06am
Thanks a lot for sharing this useful information.
November 25, 2008 - 6:07pm
Good lessons they are just four and easy. a good Preview and Explantion of the Lessons.
November 25, 2008 - 11:02pm
Ahh, yes I've dealt with many #2's...
insightful information! Great read - thanks!
November 26, 2008 - 7:54pm
Thanks for the tips
November 26, 2008 - 7:55pm
Great tips
November 26, 2008 - 7:56pm
Very nice writeup!!
November 30, 2008 - 5:17pm
vceryy Good
December 1, 2008 - 4:43pm
Oh man, while I was reading I was thinking several cases of people who really need to read this post and understand that we are not the problem but them.
December 2, 2008 - 4:19am
Interesting article about human behaviours... Good work!
December 3, 2008 - 5:01am
My position is the same - peaple are very different. Take it easy...
December 3, 2008 - 8:53am
High control clients are in a hurry to get the job done and may not appreciate why proofing and editing is important. It's clear.
December 3, 2008 - 10:50am
Excellent post about human behaviours... Thanks for publishing it.
December 4, 2008 - 9:05am
I think several cases of people who really need to read this post and understand that we are not the problem but them.
December 4, 2008 - 9:08am
thanks.
December 4, 2008 - 4:02pm
Excellent article. I absolutely agree with you!
December 5, 2008 - 3:06am
Thanks you for share us the great Archive.
December 8, 2008 - 3:51am
çetci
December 8, 2008 - 3:51am
thnakx lan ibiş
December 8, 2008 - 10:40pm
I also think that ignorance of web design or web design processes can cause a lot of problems. Designers can avoid some of these issues by working closely with the client on the project; explaining things in layman's terms rather than drowning them in jargon which only feeds their insecurity further.
December 8, 2008 - 10:52pm
You can only change your own"
December 10, 2008 - 8:09am
Thanks for sharing this information.
December 11, 2008 - 6:36pm
Thanks for publishing these good infos... ;-)
December 13, 2008 - 4:39am
I liked the lessons. They are true indeed. I could add some more lessons.
December 15, 2008 - 1:21am
Thanks.
Merry Christmas ! Holiday Photo Album as a gift for you.
December 15, 2008 - 1:43pm
thanks
December 16, 2008 - 5:35am
Good lessons they are just four and easy.I hope every one liked it.
December 17, 2008 - 10:33am
Thanks for the lessons!
December 17, 2008 - 10:54am
Thanks for publishing it.
December 17, 2008 - 12:19pm
very nice.. thankss.
December 18, 2008 - 6:07pm
Thank's
December 18, 2008 - 6:10pm
Thanks you for share us the great Archive
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